Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
