What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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