Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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