i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
