Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
