like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
