just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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