Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
