I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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