at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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