What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
