we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
