u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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