I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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