we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
