have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
