Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
