He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
