Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
