god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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