We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
