one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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