we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
did i walk over a car last night?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
