I'm jealous of your bromance
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
