my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
