My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
