I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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