sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
