You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
