Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
