I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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