i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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