NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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