I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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