We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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