I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
