you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
