It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
