a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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