He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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