Umm I'm too high to move.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize