how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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