you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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