Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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