She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
