I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
