these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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