so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
