She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize