I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I party with great urgency now.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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