someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
