Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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