I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
