If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
