OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
