Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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