apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
