ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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