she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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