i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Semen is not good for contacts.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
