After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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