I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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