Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
