did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize