please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
