I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
