p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
