She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
