do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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