I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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