Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
