i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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