The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
